Who does she think she is?! – How to embrace your fear of being seen and step into the spotlight

So – you have this amazing dream. You know that deep down you really want to be a bestselling author, an actress or even something more unconventional like an astrologist or a self love coach. You may have even told a few people or started to build a business around it. Whenever you think about this dream it completely lights you up, you feel like everything in your life aligns and you know, in your bones, how right it is.

But then – someone asks you what you do for a living. Or someone asks you to speak at an event. Basically you get asked to stand in the spotlight and announce to the world “I am a life coach/writer/sexuality guru/psychic/(insert you own dream here) and all around awesome being who wants to change the world!!” It should be easy right? You’ve said it enough in the comfort of your own home, to yourself while you rock out to Flo Rida’s “Good Feeling” playing in the background (or is that just me?) but as you open your mouth or contemplate getting up on stage, you start to feel this icky, funky feeling bubbling up inside of you. It makes you feel sick, it makes you feel sweaty and it makes you feel anxious. What IS that?!! That, my friend, is the fear of BEING SEEN.

The fear that if you actually stand in all your glory and say “Maybe I AM good enough! In fact, maybe I’m completely awesome and could be the next Lady Gaga, NY Times Bestseller or Tony Robbins!” that all of a sudden the people in the shadows start looking at you differently and whispering “Who does she think she is?!”

Why do we care? Most of us crave love and connection. Growing up, (especially those of the female persuasion) we were taught to stay safe by being part of the tribe, not to stand out from it. The fear we feel comes down to the thought:  “What if I stand in my light, be who I was born to be and people don’t like it? Maybe they’ll pull back. Maybe I’ll lose love or connection.” That’s a tough pill to swallow, especially when the people involved are family or old friends.

Here’s the awesome part though. As soon as you really let yourself be YOU, let your freak flag fly and step into your spotlight, you are going to be a magnet for every beautiful experience and relationship you have been dreaming of you’re whole life. Friends who connect with you in a way you’ve never felt before. That dream guy that ‘gets’ you and adores you for who you are. Mentors who get brought into your world simply because of what you’re now putting out there. A career that encompasses all your gifts and passions!…and yes. Some people will fall away. That won’t be easy but to be honest if they can’t be happy for you they don’t deserve to be in your life, do they? Don’t waste time on people who want to drag you down to their level so they can stay feeling safe in the shadows.

It’s time to come out of your spiritual closet and announce “THIS IS ME, AND I AM AWESOME!”

This is the quote I live by:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson.

So how do you step into your spotlight?

I’m blessed to belong to a Facebook mastermind group* of women (and some men!) creating businesses based on their passion to change the world. I raised the topic of the fear of being seen in this group and wow – the response was phenomenal. 80 something comments of successful people confirming “I feel like this all the time”. Here’s their juicy advice!

  • When you feel insecure or worry about what other people think, say “It doesn’t matter what they think – I’m here to change the world.” – Stephenie Zamora
  • The mantra of one coach in the group is Wayne Dyer’s quote: “What other people think about me is none of my business.”
  • Your inner reality will reflect your outer world. If you are judging yourself then others will mirror that back to you.
  • Take baby steps, keep putting yourself out there, bit by bit! Everyday do something that shows yourself to the world. The more you push yourself outside your comfort zone, the easier it gets.